Drop "Good Touch" vs "Bad Touch" Language
What Every Parent Needs to Know About Private Parts Safety
One of the most powerful tools you can give your child is clear language about safe and unsafe touch.
Below is not just a blog, but also my Privates & Prevention free class!
If you’ve been teaching the basics, great- you’ll see a review of them below.
The Privates & Prevention class goes more in-depth, and my course is for those who have already started and want answers to questions that have come up as they teach the basics.
Before sending a child to a sleepover (even if it’s family) or a drop-off playdate, make sure you’re reviewing the basics of private parts safety (especially as it relates to cousins and peers).
Let’s go!
Start With the Right Words
First things first: use anatomically correct names for body parts.
Skip the euphemisms like “cookie,” “flower,” or “private area.”
When children know the proper words: penis, vulva, chest, buttocks, they can clearly communicate if someone touches them inappropriately.
This clarity matters in the moment and if they ever need to disclose abuse to you or another trusted adult.
It’s Not Just About Touch
Unsafe situations aren’t limited to physical contact. Your child needs to know that:
No one should be showing them their private parts or asking your child to show theirs
No one should be showing them sexual images or content
If someone does either of these things, it’s not okay, and they should tell you immediately
Make sure your child understands that exposure, whether in person or through screens, is a boundary violation that needs to be reported, and they won’t get in trouble for telling.
When Kids Can’t Get Out of the Situation
Here’s something many parents don’t know to address: sometimes kids freeze.
Sometimes they’re too embarrassed to speak up.
Sometimes they can’t physically leave the situation, especially when the person involved is someone they love or trust.
Your child needs to hear this from you: Even if they couldn’t get out of the situation in the moment, it’s never their fault, and they can always tell you afterward.
This message removes the burden of a perfect response and reminds them that disclosure is always an option, even after the fact.
This is particularly critical when it comes to peers or family members. Kids often feel conflicted about reporting someone they care about, and knowing they won’t be blamed helps them come forward.
Use “Safe Touch” vs “Unsafe Touch” (Not “Good” vs “Bad”)
Many of us grew up hearing about “good touch” and “bad touch,” but this framework can actually be confusing-and even dangerous-for children.
Why? Because not all unsafe touch hurts or feels uncomfortable. Sometimes abuse happens through games, tickling, or touch that doesn’t physically hurt.
If a child doesn’t feel uncomfortable in the moment, they might believe they somehow agreed to it or that it wasn’t really wrong.
Abusers exploit this confusion, using the child’s lack of discomfort against them.
Instead, teach your child to recognize safe touch versus unsafe touch with clear definitions:
Safe touches:
Feel okay and respectful (like a high-five, a hug you agree to, or holding hands)
Are never a secret - safe touches can always be talked about openly
Happen with your permission
Unsafe touches:
Make your child feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused
Involve private parts of the body (the areas covered by a bathing suit, plus the mouth)
Someone asks to keep it a secret
Your child needs to know that:
No one should touch their private parts (except parents/caregivers helping with hygiene or doctors during medical exams with a parent present)
No one should ask them to touch someone else’s private parts
No one should show them their private parts or ask to see theirs
If any of these things happen, they can always come to you without fear of blame
Notice that the definition of “unsafe” isn’t about how it feels in the moment-it’s about what’s happening and where.
This clarity protects children even when abuse doesn’t hurt or feel obviously wrong.
There’s also another important reason not to use good touch vs bad touch, and I discuss this in more detail in the free Privates & Prevention class below.
Use Books and Age-Appropriate Resources
You don’t have to figure this out alone. There are excellent children’s books designed to introduce body safety concepts in developmentally appropriate ways. These tools can help you start conversations that feel natural rather than scary.
This isn’t a one-time talk, but an ongoing conversation that evolves as your child grows.
Ready to dive deeper?
Scroll below to watch my FREE Private Parts Safety Class for detailed scripts, roleplay examples, and specific strategies you can implement this season.
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